Just Call Me Lauryn Hill...
Because my life is basically a scene out of Sister Act 2 right now...
Hey guys!
If you aren’t already aware, this week’s writeup is a continuation of last week’s. Although they can technically be read independently, I highly suggest that you go read “Why I Gave Up Singing” to get some context for this writeup. Now that the general housekeeping is done, let’s get on with the story….
So like I said last week, I feel like God has been calling me to sing again. The only problem was I hadn’t sang publicly or seriously in years. I took you through the whole long story of my estrangement with singing but left a major question unanswered.
What Did God Tell Me To Do?
You’re probably thinking, “What is this big thing that she didn’t want to do but God told her to anyway? Surely it had to be a major sacrifice, or a great, nerve-wracking opportunity for her to have made such a fuss about it AND leave us with a cliffhanger in the last writeup. If that’s what you thought, you’re right.
The truth is…
God told me to join my church choir
Okay, okay okay! I know, I know. It sounds like a ridiculous thing to make such a big deal about. In fact right about now some of y’all are either looking at your screens like this:
Or like this:
Both reactions are valid but hear me out!
My Reservations…
Singing in front of a congregation isn’t a small feat, and for someone who hasn’t sung in ages the thought was scary. Not to mention the fact that I go to this place every Sunday so it’s not like it would be a one and done situation. In other instances you can tell yourself you’ll never see these people again. I mean the last time my voice failed me I was even able to move countries soon after and leave it all behind me. This time I would be seeing the congregation every single week, and my performance - whether good or bad - would be immortalized forever through the YouTube livestream. Lastly, my choir director let me know that if I was going to join I had to commit fully. No flakiness, or half-heartedness. Just pure, all-out commitment. Practices are on Saturday evenings so if an event clashed with it, I would need to be disciplined enough to say no, and honour my commitment to God. Funnily enough, this actually happened this past Saturday when I missed my friend’s birthday dinner to go to rehearsal (don’t worry I made it up to her!).
You guys know that I always say that I need to work on not being afraid and building my discipline and consistency; well as we all know, when you ask God for a trait, He doesn’t just download it into you, He gives you opportunities to exhibit those traits. This was my opportunity. Be disciplined enough to consistently show up on a weekly basis, learn the songs, attend rehearsal and perform during service on Sunday. It didn’t look the way I’d wanted it to, but my prayers had been answered nonetheless.
Everything Has Been Leading Up to this Moment
Honestly, while joining the choir seems simple, as I take the time to reflect, I’m realizing that God has been taking me through a slow process of preparation over the past year or two to bring me to this point. I mean think about it, God had to get to me to place where I was:
1) Already going to church consistently
I had been going on and off for a year but often ghosted. In the beginning, I was even a part of the technical team but was so inconsistent that they could not depend on me. Only at the start of this year did I begin to change.
2) Wanting to serve Him more
For weeks my friend Rachel had been talking about the importance of being plugged into and serving in a church. Inspired by this and propelled by the Spirit, I chose this church because it was like a close-knit family and there were plenty of opportunites to serve and get involved.
3) Comfortable with considering the idea of singing again
This was the real piece of hard work. It may seem like it all happened so quickly but God had used many situations and many people to reintroduce music in my life.
In the summer of 2020 I met two female artists that changed my life (check them out they’re amazing!).
The first one was Avery Doreen, I discovered her on Instagram and over time I just fell in love with her story and her music. I could relate to her on so many levels. The delay with obeying God, the feelings of inadequacy, the struggles with singleness and her fear with putting her voice out there. Watching her journey still gives me strength, and ironically God started her journey by plugging her into a church and having her join the choir. She was scared in the beginning too… but now she regularly leads worship and has released three singles and an album. If God could change her life in this way it gives me hope to believe and endure my journey as well.
The second artist was Kibra, I met her at a photoshoot and afterwards we stayed in touch. This summer I was in her music video “Live Your Life” and on the trip she agreed to give me vocal lessons once a week. I learned so much from her, and with her encouragement and guidance I grew a lot. She told me that she really started her singing journey when she joined the gospel choir at her university. Crazy.
Are you guys seeing the pattern here? I mean now that I think about it, my friend Fikayo once brought up the fact that many great singers started out like that. Big names like Aretha Franklin, Whitney Houston, Justin Timberlake and John Legend all started out in church choirs. You never know… it’s only crazy until it happens right?
Speaking of Fikayo, God really used him as a tool to bring me closer to singing. The day Fikayo found out I could sing I didn’t hear the end of it. He would tell me that if I had the gift then I should use it. Every singing opportunity that he came across, he sent it my way. When he wanted to have a worship session he told me to sing in it. Whenever people brought up singing he confidently told them “Elsie is a good singer”. He even encouraged me to apply for a music program, and because I needed to submit music for the application I ended up writing and recording my first song.
“You Can Lead A Horse to Water but You Can't Make Him Drink”
Fikayo really believed in me, even when I struggled to believe in myself. It didn’t matter that I told him I wasn’t like Beyoncé and that my voice wasn’t anything extraordinary. He would quickly rebut by telling me that everyone starts somewhere and that far less talented people have made it in the industry. I would tell him that I needed more practice and training before putting myself out there. Then he would say that there was no better way of practicing than by singing covers and posting them online. For every explanation I could come up with, he had a rebuttal ready and waiting to fire back at me. He saw through all my explanations and in his blunt, endearing way called them out for what they really were - excuses. However, even if you’re as persistent, and persuasive as Fikayo is, you can’t force someone to do what they don’t want to do. And for a long time I just felt like I wasn’t ready.
However, what God successfully used all these people to do was plant little seeds in the soil of my heart that with time - and the right conditions - would eventually grow and enable me to make the leap of joining the choir.
How It’s Going…
It’s been about 4 weeks since I joined the choir, so here’s a little rundown of how it’s been so far.
Week 1: I was soooo lost and had no idea what was going on. I hadn’t been added to the mailing list so I hadn’t received the list of songs we’d be singing on Sunday. This meant I was familiar with practically none of the songs and knew none of the lyrics. The thing is, my choir takes the “throw the baby in the water and it’ll learn to swim” approach to learning so I just had to figure it out. That Sunday, as we performed I sang as quietly as I could into the mic, and mimed lyrics when they weren’t available on screen. It was a mess but I’d survived.
Week 2: Well the good news is I got the song list. The bad news is I didn’t take enough time to learn the songs well. Also, I didn’t know how to harmonize with the others and kept forgetting how my part went, so I often sang off key. Once again there was some quiet singing and miming that took place, but it wasn’t as bad as the week before.
Week 3: I looked at the song list and saw that my choir director had put me down to lead a special song in church. ON MY THIRD WEEK?!?! I freaked out, I’m not going to lie. I thought I’d continue on backup for at least a few months. I thought I had to pay my dues. I mean in the movies the newbie usually has to wait a while before she gets her chance to shine. And shine I would, either in a burning hot mess or with God’s light and grace upon me. Luckily for me it was the latter. Despite having a shaky start to the song, as I sang I began to feel the Holy Spirit empower me and guide me through it. As I left the stage I was actually proud of the performance I’d delivered, and even received some compliments from the congregation.
Week 4: This was hands down my favourite week so far! (Which makes sense lol!). I was a lot more confident, we had a guest singer who was an amazing singer and performer. Performing alongside him soothed my nerves and watching him taught me a lot about stage presence and control. As an added cherry on top, my friends Rachel and Oyinda were visiting my church and got to watch me on stage. I was having the most fun I’d had since I’d started, and for the first time I realized just how grateful I was to be a part of this team. I actually loved being in the choir, and somehow over the weeks they’d become family to me.
So… What Now?
I still don’t know what God is ultimately using this to do but I’m beginning to love the process and I can’t deny that I’ve learned and grown a lot. There is still much work to be done, but I’ve sung more in the past month than I have in the past year and that alone is a testimony in its own right. Today in my Life Application Study Bible I read the following note on Colossians 2:20-23:
“Christian growth is a lifelong process. Although we have a new nature we don’t automatically think all good thoughts and have all pure attitudes when we become new people in Christ. But if we keep listening to God, we will be changing all the time. Change may be slow, but your life will change significantly as you trust God to change you.”
I’m realizing that a lot of time God does want to use us, God does have more in store for us, but we need to let him do it. I’ve been asking Him to change me and He is. Slowly but surely, with each step of obedience I get closer and closer to the person I’ve been praying to become. Even when you don’t understand what’s going on… trust Him.
That’s all for this week! Hope you all enjoyed this week’s writeup, if you did please share it with someone you feel may gain value from it. I love you guys so so much, till next time!
p.s. If you haven’t watched Sister Act 2 yet definitely watch it, teehee!
Elsie :)
Bonus: In line with theme of this writeup I decided to include a picture of the last time I was officially in a choir. Enjoy this picture of Grade 8 Elsie performing in the Intermediate Honour Choir for the Peel Music Showcase at the Living Arts Centre. We just have to thank God for my glowup because look at my hair and outfit 😭.
