Laying the Foundation

God gave me a new theme for 2022...

Happy New Year guys!

This is the first post of 2022, and I know it’s only been three days but I hope you guys are feeling good. I know that there is no magical midnight fairy that makes everything alright once January 1st hits, but for many of us there tends to be this renewed sense of hope. A chance to wipe away the disappointments, failures and burdens of the last year and try to do better. 

If you don’t know this about me already, I’m a person who is very passionate about improving myself. I love to learn new philosophies and methods on how to do life better. How to eat better, exercise better, organize better, think better, speak better and treat others better. Ask any of my friends, when I read a great book or listen to a great sermon or podcast I can rave about it for days! And in most cases, being so passionate about whatever new thing I’ve learned, I immediately begin to rearrange my whole life to implement the new strategy. I’m a go big or go home kinda girl (I mean my last name is literally A-bang! I can’t help it lol), and herein lies my problem. I get so revved up and inspired, then go at big changes right away only to be right back where I started after a few days or a few weeks - if I’m lucky. Uninspired and disappointed I start looking for my next quick fix to get the ball rolling again. The change is never long-lasting, never sustainable.

If I’m real with myself, it’s a big reason why I’m so inconsistent - with the podcast, my YouTube channel, my schooling and bunch of other stuff like texting or checking in on my loved ones. I depend on random spurts of passion or motivation to show up to these things and when it fizzles out I disappear until I can reignite it. A friend of mine once put it like this for me, he said  “Elsie you’re such a passionate person that you’re like a wildfire, but you need to be careful that you don’t get so out of control that you end up hurting others and even consuming yourself. Fire can be good, but aim to be a controlled flame in the hands of your maker (God).” That wasn’t what he said verbatim but still, it’s poetic isn’t it? Those words stuck with me because they pretty much hit the nail on the head with describing my predicament.

My New Year’s resolutions for the past five years can basically be summed up into two key goals: trying to build discipline and consistency. I saw how being inconsistent often led to me not meeting goals that I wanted to reach and letting down the people I loved most because I mismanaged my time. As 2021 came to an end, I finally made peace with the fact that although I may not be able to end this cycle on my own, I can definitely “do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Phil 4:13). It’s just like Pastor Mike Todd told us at the beginning of last year, “This will be your best year ever, if it is your best year spiritually.” Although I definitely fell short in a lot of areas last year, I can definitely say that those seasons when I was most anchored in Christ were some of the best seasons of my life - even though a lot of the time I was in tears. God took me through some rough moments last year: I had to move TWICE and if you listen to my apartment testimonies then you know it wasn’t a walk in the park. Many of you don’t know this, but it was also rough financially because although I eventually made more money than I ever have through modelling (thank you God!), there was a period of four months when I didn’t get a single modelling gig and because of  poor financial decision-making I was essentially broke. As a model you often get paid anywhere from a month to three months after you do a job so it's delayed; which in turn means that you never know when the next cheque will actually come in. So you need to be extra careful to make sure that you’re okay. Health-wise, I let myself go for much of the year, and my weight kept going up and down. When I was stressed I let myself eat whatever I wanted and stopped exercising but then once the motivation kicked in, I would go hard on exercising and fasting to lose it again. My relationship with food wasn’t very healthy and my view of my body was very skewed. There were times when because of it I wouldn't even want to be in front of the camera. I'm not going to get into now because honestly that’s a whole other post in itself, but you get the gist.

The point is that the person that got me through those moments was God. He always provided for me and although I felt like I was in a deficit sometimes, I always had what I needed. I have so many testimonies y’all, I’ll do better with sharing more on here so that you guys can be blessed too, and encouraged to just trust Him. Despite everything that happened, so much good came out of last year too, and I can honestly say that I had a great year. I got closer than ever to my friends, my faith was strengthened like never before, I got to see my sister after 2 years, I landed some great modeling gigs and I got through another semester of school (just one more to go! woohoo!). I’m proud of who I’m becoming. I may not be the woman that I want to be yet, but I’m definitely not the woman I once was. So thank you God, from the bottom of my heart, thank you!

On January 1st I was on the subway and God gave me my theme for 2022. I’ve never had one before so this is very new for me but I think it’s exactly what I need. He told me that this year, my focus should be on “Laying the Foundation”. Honestly guys it’s just so fitting. I don’t like to start small and I don’t like to start slow - but in rushing and trying to get to the good part right away, I left myself with a weak foundation in many areas of my life. So this year it’s all about building the basics for me, mastering the fundamentals. I spent so long trying to build skyscrapers on my weak foundations and then was shocked when it all came crashing down. I want to build something that lasts, and if that means tearing down everything and starting work on my foundation again then so be it.

“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. - Matthew 7:24-27 NIV

For me, it all starts with investing more in my relationship with God, because He is my foundation. After the Bible also says, “Seek first the kingdom of God and all else shall be added unto you” (Matt 6:33). Yet many times in the past (and frankly sometimes even now), when I was running low on time God was the first thing that got put on the backburner. The angels were probably looking at me like, “No wonder you were a mess sis! What did you expect?” I know, I know. That’s why I’m intentionally making time for prayer and the Bible every morning even if it's just for a little while. Calling God into the little details of my life like when deciding what item to buy on Facebook Marketplace. Ensuring that there’s systems in place to help me sustain a routine with Him even when school and work start up again and life gets stressful. Trying to lay down each brick with intention, making sure it’s solid. I guess you could say I’m in the boring “wax on wax off” stage of Karate Kid, but what better master to train under than God himself?

Hope you guys enjoyed this read, have a great rest of your week!

Love,

Elsie :)