Letters to the Lord #2

The One who sees me...

Dear Abba Father,

Thank You so much for today. It has sincerely been a beautiful day. A day of joy, freedom, love, and mercy.

I started off the day waking up around 5am, and because of the long day I’d had the day before— I was frankly exhausted. But there was a prayer meeting at 7am that I really wanted to attend, so I got up and began getting ready. Despite knowing that I was on a time crunch I still took the time to clip my nails and shave my underarms. I knew it could have waited another day, but I decided it just had to be done that morning.

The night before, when I had checked the bus route, it said I needed to leave the house by 6:16am, which realistically meant that I needed to leave at 6:10am to allow some leeway for changes in the bus’ arrival. Did I do that? Not. At. All. After a rushed breakfast and a quick cup of water, I left the house at exactly 6:16am. This would have been fine, except for the fact that I had no idea which direction I was supposed to head in.

I spent a couple of minutes figuring it out, but those minutes cost me— big time. As I made a final dash for the bus stop, I watched as the bus pulled away from the curb and drove off— leaving only dust and disappointment in its wake.

I checked the time. The bus had departed a minute early. I had been so close…

In classic Elsie-fashion, I began to beat myself up about it.

“You knew better”

“You shouldn’t have wasted time on trivial things”

“Well, you can’t be sad now, you got yourself into this mess. Deal with the consequences”

I knew that time management was something I needed to get better at, and while I’m much better than I was before (thank You for that btw!), I still have quite a ways to go. I sat down on a bench and began wondering what I should do.

“Should I take an Uber?”

“Should I wait for the next bus?”

“No, if I took the next bus I’d miss more than half the meeting.”

I’ll take the Uber,” I decided. “If I still want to make it on time, it’s only natural that I pay the price.”

Then I paused.

And I thank You for that too.

Because in the past, riddled with guilt and shame, I would have emotionally ordered the Uber. But this time, I decided to check my bank account to see if this was even a move I could afford to make. It may not seem like much to others, but I know You know how huge of a step that was for me.

When I was sure I could afford the ride, I opened the Uber app. As I punched in the address, I saw the final quote…

$36… for a 15 minute Uber ride.

I had been expecting something closer to $15 or $20.

"Prices are higher due to increased demand,” it stated

I began to reevaluate again, and this time, I took the time to pray.

“Heavenly Father, I know that I did a bad job of managing my time this morning, and I take full responsibility for that. But I really want to make it to church on time. Would you please make a way for that to be possible?… and more affordable?”

After the prayer, I decided to reload the Uber app and see if perchance the prices would be lower. It was a risk because typically when you do that the price goes up, but I went for it anyway. When I did, the app gave me the new quote…

$38…

I deflated.

Well, at least it only went up by two dollars. Suck it up and pay.

I confirmed the ride and got ready to wait for the driver when I got a notification saying:

Would you like to book an UberX Share and save $11?

UberX Share! I had completely forgotten that carpooling was even an option! For that, I’ll blame the pandemic and social distancing protocol. But I was overjoyed! Confirming that I would like to make the switch, I looked up to the heavens and smiled with tears in my eyes.

Sure, it seemed like a little thing to be crying about. But it was HUGE. You. This big BIG God. The literal CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE. Had taken the time out to hear my little prayer, and answer it. I didn’t deserve it. I had put myself in the situation I was in. The request was so small in the grand scheme of things. But still, You showed me mercy… You showed up for me Dad.

I can’t explain how “seen” I felt in that moment.

“You see me” I thought.

“Your really are the One who sees me”

Not only that…

But You care.

Thank You Abba. Thank You :)

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Endnote: Long story short, I made it to church in time for when prayers started! It was such an impactful time in th presence of the Lord. We were just a few individuals in the room, but it was clear that He was with us. Like the Scripture says,

For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” - Matt 18:20 (NIV)

Written with love,

Elsie Abang

p.s. to the readers: Thank you for taking out time to read these writeups. I want you to know that it really means a lot to me. God bless!