Letters to the Lord #4

Freedom by the Word...

Dear Holy Spirit,

I went through a stage in life where I was really afraid of becoming successful.

I wanted to be successful, but I was terrified of becoming prideful.

Each time I began to feel good about myself and think that… maybe I could dream big… maybe I could lead a prosperous life… maybe I could be successful in all I did… the enemy would step in to whisper his lies and fill me with thoughts of fear.

“What if I become rich and famous and lose sight of God? What if I forget Him and become wise in my own eyes? What if I become prideful and turn my back on Him?”

These were just a few of the many thoughts that would flood my mind.

Like the accuser he is, the enemy would remind me of who I used to be. A girl who cared for nothing more than her success and being number one. A girl who didn’t mind subtly lying and manipulating to get her way. A girl who’d done it so effortlessly for years, that she’d begun to believe her own false narratives, and couldn’t tell where the lie ended and she began. A girl who— despite numerous accolades and praises— always felt inadequate. A girl who had never experienced what it meant to be truly fulfilled until… she met Jesus.

It’s safe to say, that I NEVER wanted to be the “old me” again. It was one of my greatest fears and the enemy took advantage of that.

A Scripture that I would often think about is Matthew 16:26,

“For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” (KJV)

The enemy convinced me that the slightest taste of success would push me away from God, and send me on a downward spiral towards my demise.

So what did I do in response?

I hid myself away as best as I could.

“You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven. - Matthew 5:14-16 (NKJV)

However, this light had made up her mind to hop off the lampstand, find her own basket and tuck herself under it.

I find it funny that I have a lot of faith in You when it comes to certain areas of my life. However, when it comes to trusting You with my weaknesses, flaws and shortcomings— I become terrified. Terrified that somehow my faults are too much for You to fix. Terrified that You won’t be able to save me from myself. Terrified that after everything, I myself shall be disqualified (1 Cor 9:27).

Like You aren’t the same God that made an apostle out of a persecutor (Acts 9), a king out of a shepherd boy (1 Samuel 16), and a mighty warrior out of a scared man (Judges 6).

In Ephesians 6:12, Paul makes it clear that “we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” (KJV)

In 2 Corinthians 10:4, he further explains that “…the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds…” (NKJV)

What are these strongholds? The NLT version refers to them as “…strongholds of human reasoning and… false arguments.”

In short, they are lies.

I’m beginning to realize just how much our Christian walk is a battlefield of the mind. If the enemy can have your mind, he has your life.

I had to learn that the hard way.

And I spent far too long asking You to take the thoughts away instead of using the power You’d given me to deal with them.

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” - 2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV).

“We” take captive every thought, NOT “You”.

Nowhere does it promise that You’ll do it for us.

But we have been equipped with everything we need, and the only way to fight such thoughts is with the Word of God.

I’d always heard this. Over and over again, it was repeated to me but recently it’s taken on a deeper meaning for me.

Every time I battled intrusive, negative or fearful thoughts, I would try to reason it away in my own strength. I’d say things like, “No that’s not true. That’s not me. I wouldn’t do that.” But it never worked— at least not for long anyway. I’d just wear myself out and end up in a cycle of guilt, shame and discouragement.

But Your Word is truth, and the truth sets us free (John 8:32).

The more I read it, acquaint myself with it, and USE it like I should. The more freedom and control I gain over my thought life.

It’s interesting that Jesus the Son of God is called the Word of God. He is the Word (John 1).

And there’s a popular song based on Scripture that says, “Who the Son sets free is free indeed.” (John 8:36)

Doesn’t that mean it’s also fair to say, “Who the Word sets free is free indeed?”

Haha, it’s just a thought.

Thank You Holy Spirit. Thank You for being my Helper, Guide, Counselor and Friend. Thank You that You promise to guide me into all truth. Thank You that You always have my back, and I know You always will.

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A Special Note to the Beloved (aka you, the reader).

Like a friend of mine loves to say, “Don’t let the intrusive thoughts win”.

Instead, pick up your sword and fight back with the Word of God. My prayer for you is that God will give you an unquenchable thirst for His Scriptures, and that as you read them He will give you understanding. May your mind be renewed by the Word, and may you be transformed into the likeness of Christ Jesus. Finally, may the God of all peace, guard your hearts and your minds forever, and keep you safe from the evil one.”

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen.

p.s. A video I often enjoy listening to is “I AM Affirmations from the Bible” by Soakstream on YouTube. It’s a good reminder of who I am in Christ, and a great way to fill my mind with Scripture. I’ve linked it below, and I hope it blesses you like it has blessed me.

Grace and peace to you all.

Written with love,

Elsie Abang