Reflections After Being Robbed
In which she wonders..."Would things have been different if I were a boy?"
A not-so-“fairy” tale
It was 2am in the morning. Given the feminine curve of her hips she shouldn’t have been striding so carelessly. But she was familiar with the deep, dark woods. And wily as she was, the big, bad wolves had never been able to catch her. Oh yes. She knew these deep, dark woods. She knew that danger lurked at every turn, but she’d never fancied herself anyone’s prey. She’d heard about Goldi; but she didn’t have any locs. Nor did she have the curiosity to check for what was cooking at the bears’ house. She’s heard about the pigs; but just like piggie number three, her house was made of bricks and no huffing or puffing was ever going to bring it down. She turned the final corner to her street, and with her home now in sight, she thought she was safe. But she’d forgotten that little girls were a wolf’s favourite treat. She’d forgotten that her gender was just as bright a beacon as Red’s cloak was. And in her arrogance, she’d forgotten the most important rule of all, “Never. Let. Your. Guard. Down.” Just then, there was a howl. A wolf had set his eyes on her, and before she could think to escape, she was cornered. Suddenly, her home seemed so close, and yet so far away. Should she run? But what if he caught her? What if he hurt her? What if he got angry and… did something worse? She didn’t want to become the woods' next bedtime story. And somehow she knew that there were no heroic princes or huntsmen waiting to save her in this tale. She was on her own. In her fear, she couldn’t think up a clever plan. There was no cunning scheme to wiggle her way out of this. No. She was fully at his mercy. The wolf reared its ugly head, let out another howl and just when she thought she was done for– he motioned at her bag of gold. “Give it to me, and I’ll let you go free”, his eyes told her. “I’d be a fool to trust him”, she thought. “Wolves don’t have integrity.” But she had to hope… that this one… did…
Past Pains
There have been many times in my life when I have wished to be a boy. So much so that for a good chunk of my life I subtly – maybe not so subtly – tried my best to behave like one. You see I come from a family of three daughters. An African family of three daughters, and if you know anything about African tradition, you know the pressure on most families to bear a son. My parents never cared about such things, and they always reaffirmed that we were more than enough for them. Some of my extended family, however, didn’t share the same sentiment, so from a young age I found myself trying to prove that I was just as good as any son would have been. It’s only recently that I’ve begun to slowly let go of my need to prove myself, and come to terms with the idea that I am enough. Just the way I am. It’s an ongoing journey. But like Mike Todd says, “Progress > Perfection”.
Robbed and Reeling
Why do I bring all this up? On April 26th, I was making my way back home from my friend’s house. It was around 2am in the morning, and suddenly a man who had been shouting across the street cornered me and demanded I give him all my money. I was literally 2 minutes away from my home. I could see the door to my building, and yet I was as helpless as I would have been if I had been miles away. I considered making a run for it, shouting, fighting, doing something– anything! But in my fear I just began emptying out my bag. Everytime I gave him some money, he’d hear coins jingling in my bag and say “There’s still more in there”. Only when all the jingling stopped, and he was certain I didn’t have any more - did he finally let me go. I was shaken. Truly shaken to my core. But more than that, for the first time in a long time… I felt weak. And I hated it.
I had read a book by Jackie Hill Perry not long before the incident, that perfectly described how I felt in that moment. She and her girlfriend at the time had been at a hotel when a scary beast of a man had furiously stormed in. Luckily, his target wasn’t in the room and he left them alone. However, they were both shaken up.
“My girlfriend threw her eyes at me. They weren’t as light as they were before the wrath-bent man tore through the lobby. She said nothing and everything at the same time. Between her blinks, I heard “I’m scared, of him, of this. Will you protect me when he comes back?... I told her “no” without saying a word. Hearing him boom his mountain-ness voice through the walls, remembering his arms, while looking at mine, I felt like a woman. What her eyes said, I said too. I wanted to turn toward someone full of testosterone and beg him to be strong for us.” - Gay Girl, Good God.
“I felt like a woman”. Yeah. That pretty much sums it up. The first thing I did was pickup my phone and call a male friend of mine so that he could remind me that everything would be okay. I had once again become that little girl who was scared. That little girl who wondered whether life might be different - better - if she were a boy. Would such a thing have happened to her? Would the man have seen her as such easy prey? I had always insisted on not letting that sort of fear stop me from living freely, but the carefreeness I usually had when I traveled at night was threatening to disappear. I’ve been told that I can be innocent and naive when it comes to life’s dangers, and the incident almost made me believe that was true.
That night I couldn’t go to sleep. I just kept crying and crying. Alternating between thanking God for sparing my life and lamenting over the fact that I wouldn’t have been strong enough to save myself. As the enemy continued to feed me lies about myself, God in all His mercy comforted me with the truth.
Wonderfully Weak
God knows us so intimately, and He knew exactly what was going through my head. As I cried out to Him, I just remember feeling a nudge from the Holy Spirit to open my Bible. When I did, He took me through several encouraging verses that helped to comfort me and calm me down. If that were not enough, my friend Rachel also sent 3 additonal verses to me to comfort me. I was surrounded by the love, peace and comfort of the Holy Spirit when I finally found rest, and slept.
In the morning when I woke up and randomly opened up my Bible again, I stumbled upon Psalm 118, and verses 6, 8 and 9 stood out to me.
6 The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?8 It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in humans.
9 It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in princes.
It was as I read these verses that God began to renew my mind, and teach me that even if I had been a man that night it wouldn’t have made a difference. You see, no matter how big or strong you are it is God that has to protect and sustain you. It is God that puts breath in my lungs. It is God that wakes me up every morning. It is God that provides for my needs everyday. I simply cannot do it myself. I realized that in my pride I wanted to be self-sustaining, I wanted to be “strong”. But I am human, and I can be none of those things. In 2 Corinthians 12, God told Paul, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness,” (NLT). In another verse of the Bible a psalmist writes, “It was not by their sword that they won the land, nor did their arm bring them victory; it was your right hand, your arm, and the light of your face, for you loved them” (Psalm 44:3 NIV).
Letting Go of Labels
The world loves to label us and tell us we’re limited in our capacity because of things like our race, age, gender, class, health, past failures, family history and a variety of other factors. These labels are meant to instill fear in us and limit what we think is possible.
What are some labels that you have allowed to become a part of your identity?
What limits have you allowed the opinions of others to impose on you?
If there’s one thing I want you to take away from this writeup, it is that none of that matters. God. Makes. All. The. Difference. This is the same God that turned a man with a stutter into a powerful orator. The same God that gave a shepherd boy victory over a giant and later made him king. This is the same God that kept a man safe in a lions den and kept his friends from burning in a fire. So if you’re worried that you’re not strong enough to do that thing. If you’re worried you don’t have what it takes to make it to the finish line. If you’re scared of what others may do to you or say about you. Please remember, you don’t have to do or be any of those things.
God already did.
God already is.
This week cast all your cares on Him and rest in His love. His presence is the best place to be, so go there and find peace. Life can be draining, difficult and even scary. But I believe that in the same way He comforted, strengthened and restored me; He will comfort, strengthen and restore you. I love you guys so much and I’m wishing you a blessed week.
Sincerely,
Elsie :)
p.s. As always if this writeup blessed you in some way please share it with someone and subscribe for more.
p.p.s The Substack will now be updated every 2 weeks so I can keep up with both this and my podcast, The With Abang! Podcast. If you haven’t checked out the latest episode that dropped this week you can watch it here. Or listen on all podcast platforms.
Love this ❤️